Why Believing In Yourself Feels So Hard


Ever wonder why believing in yourself feels so hard?



You have dreams and goals but think they’re out of reach.


You want more for your life but feel self-doubt about taking the next step.


Then you beat on yourself for not doing the damn thing.


I get it.


My inner mean girl was downright mean. I thought something was wrong with me for not being “further along” in my life (whatever that even means).


I told myself I wasn’t smart enough and strong enough to go after the life I dreamed of.


Of course, I still have self-doubts and feel fear because any time you try something new that’s what happens.


It’s part of the human experience and totally normal. Nothing has gone wrong.


But I use the coaching tools I have to create self-confidence. They work.


They help me feel the emotional discomfort and go after my dreams anyway.


What does your inner mean girl tell you?


Maybe she says you’re not capable, strong enough, or smart enough to go after your dreams?


Or maybe she says there is something wrong with you?


Or that you’re defective in some way because everyone else appears to have their life together?


Again, I get it.


Here’s the first thing – we’re all messy humans. Everyone’s life is 50/50 (50% good and 50% total crap).


It’s true.


When you accept this, you won’t feel so bad about the “bad”.


Self-doubt and fear of failure are part of the human experience. They’re part of the 50% that doesn’t always feel comfortable.


But, learning to take action despite feeling fear and self-doubt is a skill that can be learned.


Your life will expand beyond your wildest dreams if you can manage your mind around self-doubt and fear.


Here’s the second thing – you can stop beating on yourself for not going after you want YET because there is NOTHING wrong with you.


You’re not defective or broken.


I promise.


You’re not going after your dreams because you have a human brain.


The human brain likes to exert the least amount of energy as possible, seek pleasure, and avoid pain. It’s something called the Motivational Triad.


Your brain doesn’t want you to step outside your comfort zone because it’s familiar and it thinks you’re going to die. Seriously.


It’s our brain’s job to keep us safe. Back in the day, this was needed so we didn’t get eaten by tigers.


Nowadays, not so much.


These days humans are sitting in suburbia scared to go after their dreams because they think people will laugh.


Nothing but irrational fears.


I promise.


You won’t die from feeling embarrassed.


Fear wants you to stay in the cave where it’s warm and cozy. Your brain freaks out when it thinks of stepping out of the safety of the cave. But, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice if you stay inside.


On the other side of fear is your dreams.


You don’t have to fear feeling fear. It’s nothing more than a vibration in your body. Emotions can’t hurt you.


Here are some helpful questions to ask yourself that will challenge your fear and self-doubt:


  • What is the worst that can happen?
  • What if I was always winning or learning?
  • Is my fear rational?
  • What’s the upside to doubting myself?
  • What if I didn’t care what people thought?
  • What if I decided to think on purpose that fear wasn’t a problem?
  • What if I doubted my doubt?


Next time your brain tells you you can’t do the thing try thanking it for keeping you safe.


Say to your brain “I see you, and thank you for trying to keep me safe but settle down because it’s going to be ok”.


This allows you to become the observer of your brain rather than buying into all the drama and lies your brain is telling you.


It also helps to drop the judgment and self-critical thoughts because you see why you haven’t taken steps (or the next step) toward your dream.


I’m going to say something super cliché yet so true…


Your life isn’t a dress rehearsal.


Feel the discomfort of fear and do the damn thing anyway.


As my teacher, Brook Castillo says, “carry the fear around like a heavy purse”.


Start small and keep taking the next best step.


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